Voices in my Head, that subtle nudge!

It is my first week without a job! Sorta felt strange waking up on a monday morning and not rushing to get started with the day.

Monday is that first day of the working week everyone sorta dreads, I dunno know why exactly but my best bet would be craving for more from the weekend.

So I lay in bed for the better part of the morning, only taking frequent trips to the fridge to refill and no I didn’t feel no guilt, not a single bit.
I was grateful to have some me time, to think and maybe worry bout myself for once, to make plans for the future and plan accordingly.

As much as this might sound selfish, life is all bout you first, after God of cos, there’s no crime in giving yourself some good loving; if you don’t, who will?
Its never a crime to be happy, YOLO, remember?

When you’re involved in something you no longer feel satisfied or comfortable with? Best bet is to take a bow when the ovation’s loudest.

This is me listening to the calm voices in my head and making a mental note to make corrections.

Its all bout me, its all bout my happiness!!!

The_Bloke

Sunday Sunday Tonic – Another day to show-off?

It’s sunday, another holy day to commune and fellowship with brethren, and for some people, show off new and supposedly expensive belongings -shoes, clothes- depending on their area of expertise or need for attention.

My hair gets me all the attention I want, atleast “ve made myself believe that, hence getting a shave every saturday has become a necessity. LoL!

7:42am, and I was still in bed and super sluggish to hit the showers in preparation for an 8am service.
My excuse? Not enough cash for offering! Good enough, non?

Well, service went good, I got that word needed for the week and though I got there a lil late, I didn’t let some flimsy excuse bar me from getting blessed, refreshed and revitalized.
It was awesome being in his presence.

Bottomline, whenever you have the chance to be in the midst of brethren to fellowship, be excited and expectant, you never know, you just never know how transforming and elevating that Word from God can be.

Have an awesome week!

The_Bloke

Back to the Basics

Dear Diary,

Finding the time to fill in these pages hasn’t been an easy one, one excuse after the other always came up eluding me the opportunity to let out some steam, but NOW? Nothing is gonna stop me.

A couple of days back I attended some program that in more ways than one opened my eyes to see how much I had held myself back from doing some major and massive stunts, how very well doubt had convinced me not to take the next step, how much I always shy’d away from harnessing some potential…., but that’s over now, HOPEFULLY!

I finally made some long expected change in my life, getting into some relationship, uh huh! Loooool
The fact that “ve always avoided getting seriously involved with someone or anyone had more to do with not feeling anything for “em days after than actually basking in the euphoria of singlehood (hope that statement makes some sense).

Doesn’t mean I won’t have no dessert on the side,,,*winks* you say?
Well change is step by step, so won’t hurt to add some brooch to my tie!

Need to get started on my laundry already!
Glad to be back!
Woooohoooooooooo!!!

Dear Diary… “m BACK!!!

Dear Diary,
Its been a while I even looked at you, a lot has happened in the past week, been busy like crazy and I was ill inbetween, yeah “m human so its only normal to breakdown every once in a while.

My last entry had to do with a weird happening, Yes? Well scratch that, its nothing to be acknowledged anymore as it was a silly prank in summary, total time waster….mtsheeeeeeeeew!

Well now my vacation is over, a lot has changed, “m in love again, strange I know cos “icebox where my heart used to be”, guess the ice melted already, remind me to check later. LOL!
Story for another day, but basically glad to be back!

The_Bloke

vacatiON

Whoop Whoop!!!
I couldn’t be more excited!
My vacation had be really craaaaaaaaaaaayZ. Just two weeks into it and I had gotten more action than some people would ever have in their lifetime, I was living the life.

Nothing that happened was really planned, I just sorta always went with the flow, YEAH!
That was so unlike me, but change which is constant sure played a fast one on me, wise b*tch – excuse my french… Buahahahahahahaaaaahahaaaa!!!
See what I mean? CHANGE!

Away from work and family, I was finally able to clear my head. I didn’t realise I had been so choked till I left, damn!
No daughters of eve or stalkers….couldn’t one just live this way? No distractions? *sigh*
Did I mention I switched numbers? Yes I did!
Nobody but my immediate family and best friend had access to me and I only took their calls when I wanted to.

Mum wouldn’t stop breathing down the line whenever she called to “be careful” like I was some 2year old on a boat cruise.
Mothers!!! They can snuff the fun outta you with their endless lectures.

“Hi! Heard you”re in town, can we see?”
Chineke NNA! Who was this one, again?
Most times it was embarrassing to ask who was on the other side of the line but at this point I had no choice.
It was Jasmine, a friend’s ex-girlfriend or should I say “sex mate”, cause they were both deceiving themselves.
I had never really liked her but for Chisom, pretending was the only option I had.
Jazz (as she liked to be called) wanted to meet with me.
“Hope there’s no problem” I asked.

Safety first, I chose to meet with her at a fast food, whatever reason she wanted to see me for didn’t matter. I was only being nice as always and I noted a warning to not be kept waiting, that sh*t was annoying!

“Hi “m Jasmine” – a guy walked up to me stretching his hand……
O_O “U say???”!!!

The_Bloke

on Display, WIFE MATERIAL•

Two weeks later and I still couldn’t go back to my crib. I moved back to my parents temporarily. Not like it was the best of ideas, but feeling safe was more important than sleeping with my eyes open.
The burglars had left a not, “stay away, we”v got our eyes on you”….if only they’ll “jejely” tell me who to stay away from, shebi I for mind myself.
*sigh* uwa diegwu!!!

“You can move here permanently if you wanna…” Mum had suggested, and no I didn’t tell her bout the note left else she won’t be suggesting, she”ld practically have my stuff moved before I blink.
But I could do with a little pampering, what was there to rush back to anyway?

Kris was excited having me around, she lived few blocks away, so we always saw every evening! Yes every evening I didn’t quite look forward to at some point; I cherished her when our visits were spaced. Often, “ll stay back at work (like say I dey do better thing), just so “ld come late enough not to hang out.
Don’t get me wrong, Kris is one FABmazing babe, but she’d started asking for more than I was willing to offer.
I cherished my freedom like crazy, so “over” committing now, or anytime soon was somewhat over-rated; make one yeye girl dey use me smoke garri, MBANU!!!
She called me anytime and everytime, “korokoro” stalking, no we didn’t always have much to say and even though I was close to complaining, losing her would have had me pissed at myself.

Natasha on the other hand wasn’t pushing it anymore. After the landlord had called on the night the burglars “stomped the yard”, she had helped me move to mum’s, and before I could even heave a sigh of relief, heard her and mum cracking up in the kitchen over lawd knows what.
Warming her way into mum’s heart was really sweet, hope say na there e go just stop sha…and thankfully she went back to NYC few days after, so the coast was clear, at least I thought so till last night while “m having dinner mum goes,,,
“That ur Tasha friend is a very good girl o, and nice too…, we spoke earlier today,,, and she’s truly a good wife material”.
GHEN GHEN GHEN!!!

all DRESSED in sadness!!!

She was clearly heart broken, I could see it in her eyes, at least that’s what I guess I saw.
Natasha wanted us to give it another chance, she was willing to give me another chance, ANOTHER. CHANCE??? I don’t even remember “chyking” this babe sef, what in lawd’s name was she talking bout?
You kiss a girl and they suddenly assume yo” both dating? UuUuuuuuurrrrgh! This was exhausting!

Natasha called cause she needed to meet with me urgently. What I couldn’t understand was her sudden decision to reach me as she had earlier ignored all my calls, sms’ and even emails…
Something didn’t feel right as we both sat at that table that rainy evening staring at each other. I didn’t feel anything for her anymore but I just couldn’t bring myself to telling her that or should I? For the first time in ages I was clearly confused about something so “easy”, this was pity taking its toll.

Suddenly, the attendant of the coffee shop we were in races to the door, whispers lawd knows what to the doorman who in turn immediately shuts the door, blinds, lights and television in quick succession.
That was awkward, what was going on?
“You didn’t hear the gun shot?” Natasha asked with a frightening look,,,
Gun shot ke? Niiiiiiiibo? !O_O!
I had been so lost in my thoughts to have heard anything, then I heard the next and a couple more and knew it was for real. My guess? The mall two blocks away was getting robbed.

I pulled Natasha close to me under the table, trying to comfort her as she was visibly shaking. If not for her I wouldn’t have been anywhere close by or caught up in this sh!t, but it was such a wrong time to think stupid.
“We’ll be fine” was all I could muster to say.

Bimpe the shop owner comes out of her office cracking like crazy.
Anyone who didn’t know her would have thought she was losing it but I for one knew better than to think that.
Bimpe was someone who only cracked when it was worth it and for the few years I had known her, I hadn’t seen her get all red.
“You can get up everyone, “m so sorry for the lock down, but everything is fine now. Graham, open the door and blinds pls.” And she walks back into her office.

“Guy na motor exhaust fire so ooo”, I just couldn’t hold my self, I laughed like my whole life depended on it.
That singular statement helped lighten my mood but just when I thought I could let down my guard, Mr Hahmed my landlord rang…
“Your Apartment had just been burgled Mr. Dee”

AND conscience couldn’t find a better mo’!

“Sex Education at this age? What’s a child supposed to understand bout that at age 6?”
I wasn’t in anyway against educating kids about sex or anything, but shouldn’t that be left till when they”re like, say 9/10 years old; when the whole puberty thing kicks in?
I had too many questions which clearly no one was gonna answer, and there was nothing I could do about that, nothing whatsoever.

Michelle wouldn’t let me be, she wanted an answer to her “If I had ever had sex” question.
What was I gonna say?
Yes? And get drilled further?
No? And get schooled or give reasons why I hadn’t?
A 6year old had sure succeeded in putting me in a situation so uncomfortable, “distraction where art thou?”

Was I really scared a 6year old would judge me no matter the answer she got? Definitely not!!!
Thankfully her Mum got to telling me the kids were having foundation classes on “sex education” and they didn’t quite have an indept understanding as to what sex really meant, YET! *sigh*

Kris wouldn’t stop cracking and teasing about Michelle. I had just told her what went down babysitting the twins and it was like music to her ears.
She had rang to know how my day went and all; checking to know if I could come out for a drink which truthfully was beyond me -exhausted was the word- so I politely turned it down.

Just when I put my head in bed to get some sleep, my phone goes off, again!
Some babe who had the hots for me and I had accidently given my digs on facebook wouldn’t stop calling, even in the oddest of times. It was annoying and so much of an effort acting nice to someone who wouldn’t take “NO” for an answer.
But I was obviously mistaken thinking that was her as a glance at the screen showed it was Natasha, YES NATASHA!!!

AFTERmath

Monday morning couldn’t get any worse, got served a query letter at work before which I was robbed off my wallet in a bus which thankfully had little cash in it, no I’d cards, atm cards or anything important.
Usually bus stops are always crowded that first working day of the week and annoyingly my cabbie wouldn’t take my call, only option was to take a bus; did I know how? Truthfully NO! But what choice did I have? That’s rhetorical by the way.

My weekend had been superb, so whatever bad was happening was definitely a carryover from where I left off -having bad times that is- cause it obviously had to get completed, I guess.
Kris and I sure had a swell time.
“Did we have sex?”
Well I can’t categorically tell u that, but we sure did things way better.
“What could be better?” *shrug* Don’t ask me, find out. I never kiss and tell.
That was a back and forth convo between me and an imaginary personality, my way of making myself feel better.

With the “supposed” document in hand I walked into my Boss’, not leaving out the query of cause, my pity look in tow.
“Good morning ma”am”, “b*tch” was sure the right word to say but then again, getting dismissed outta work? Least sexy thing “ld wish to happen at the mo.
She simply stretched, had me hand over the document and gave the “you can leave look”.

Lunch break couldn’t come any sooner, I was elated to be away from her presence which was choking, since she had refused to leave which was unlike her.
Elaine was a sweet person but when it was time to work? The split personality resurfaced. Creepy it was, and there was no getting used to it.
I had to find a way to get back in her good books and it wasn’t that difficult to decide on what to do.

At the close of work, I headed straight for my Aunt’s. She had rang earlier requesting to help babysit my six year old twin cousins (Mike & Michelle) who were no doubt a handful but my love for them, and expertise in babysitting -YES! “Ve got some awesome child handling skills, they just love me- I couldn’t turn her down.
It was fun seeing “em again, they got to telling me everything at once, happenings at school, who did what, who was naughty and so on; and for someone who was tired? I took it all in. And just when I thought they were done with the reporting, Michelle with her ever innocent look goes,,,
“Uncle Dee, Have u ever had Sex?”
O_O
“Whaaaaaa Whaaaaaa What did u just say?”

“Kill Joy” Defeated.

No, No, NoooooooooOOOOOOO!!!
My freaking phone just crashed! Wait! Really???
*puzzled look*
I had a date with Kris in a few hours and now reaching her or vice versa would be a hell of a job.
What to do? What to do??

We spoke for a while over drinks before I got towed outta the club. The fact that we had danced our knickers out didn’t deter us. Kris was good company as she didn’t fail to crack me up like crazy to the extent I was scared of peeing in my pants.
I sure had a good time and didn’t wanna let go just like that on level one. *wink*
But she beat me to it, she suggested dinner over the weekend. *TOOTHY GRIN*

“I thought you’ll never come”, she had already ordered a drink when I found the table. If only this babe sabi the kind wahala wey this “date” don make me go through.
Standing someone up -especially someone as warm as Kris- isn’t something I”lld ever forgive myself for doing.

After I restored my phone’s backup and found the text containing the address of the restaurant we agreed to meet, no longer felt bad on the amount the phone technician charged in flashing; dude sure ripped me as desperation was evidently written all over me.

“Pls don’t be mad, “ve got this”, I tried to feign an angry face (even though my joy knew no bounds) after she beat me to paying the bills when the waiter came over. She patted my hand from across the table and gave me “that” wink, EPIC!!!
This evening was sure going to end in a FABmazing way. *dances invincible kokoma*.

Few blocks away from my crib, her Royal Majesty rings, Iya Agba of gbo gbo aye, my ever demanding Boss who wouldn’t lemme be even for the weekend.
“Where’s the document I asked you to prep and send?” If only she could see the look on my face, I was pissed beyond measure. Kris who was riding in same cab with me cause we were gonna spend some time at mine was confused at my sudden change in attitude.
“Babe? Mind if we do this some other time? Got some work to do”. She was obviously disappointed, it was written all over. On a second thought, “screw my boss” and I switched off my phone.